You’re both busy, and finding ways to connect with your spouse is definitely a challenge. When you’re always on the go, it seems hard enough to find any time for yourself let alone your marriage.
It’s easy to feel as if you’re roommates when your job, the kids, the house, and all the other commitments on your schedule are pulling you away.
The good news is, if you’re intentional, you can make time to connect despite the chaos surrounding you both.
Think of it like this – you can’t expect to get stronger if you don’t work out to build your muscles. Well, the same goes for relationships. Your marriage won’t grow stronger if you don’t intentionally build it.
Maybe you think, “It’ll get easier when the kids are out of the house.” Or, “It’ll slow down in the next few months, and then we’ll be fine.”
The truth is – there will always be something competing for your time. Resist the urge to put your marriage on the back burner. No matter how busy your lives are, you can find ways to connect.
So, how does a busy couple connect, you ask?
Here are 8 ways to stay connected and grow closer together even when it feels like you don’t have the time.
1. Text Each Other
Use technology for good! Don’t do this when you’re both home or as a substitute for other communication. What I’m talking about here is the opportunity to send little updates throughout your day.
A quick text, “Have a wonderful day, my love” right before you get started at work, is a sweet way to say I’m thinking about you. You can also keep each other involved in your daily lives by letting your spouse know how a meeting went, or if it’s been a hard day. The key here is to get to know what’s going on in your spouse’s life.
You can also ignite that fire between you with, “I’m thinking about you.” Or, “I miss you like crazy.” Just taking a few moments to send a text like this can make your spouse feel appreciated and cherished.
2. Make Regular Dates Happen
I know this can feel impossible when your schedule is already crazy. But if you want to stay connected, it needs to happen! So what’s the secret to successfully dating your spouse even when you don’t see the open slot on your calendar?
A date night doesn’t have to be an extravagant event. It doesn’t have to take up the entire evening or cost much (it can actually be free!). Instead, think about the small moments and make them count.
Like meeting for a quick lunch date on weekdays, or grabbing coffee together on your way home from work if your schedules align. My favorite? Take-out a cozy blanket while watching the sunset together.
Regular date nights help to keep that spark alive. They give you a chance to laugh together and focus on your relationship.
3. Know Each Other’s Top Love Language
Many of you have read Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages.” And if you haven’t, you really should. If you don’t know your love language or your spouse’s, take the quiz here and you’ll be well on your way.
What makes you feel loved may not necessarily make your spouse feel loved. It’s important to keep that in mind so your efforts are filling each other’s deep need for love.
For example, maybe you feel extremely loved when you receive physical touch – holding hands, a hug, even just an arm around your shoulder. But your spouse might need words of affirmation, like, “You’re so thoughtful, thank you.” Giving my spouse a hug or kissing isn’t quite what the right need. It’s so easy to express love the way that you want it, but it’s not always the way your spouse wants it.
Keep in mind, everyone needs a little dose of each love language. But by knowing your spouse’s top love language, you can be sure that you’re meeting their top needs.
4. Don’t Underestimate Love Notes
A handwritten love note is one of the sweetest and romantic ways to remind your spouse that you truly love them. It takes a little more effort than a text, and the sentiment goes a long way.
It could be a simple post-it on the bathroom mirror for a sweet surprise when they’re getting ready for work. Or slip your note in their lunchbox (lunch boxes aren’t just for kids!) so they get a sweet reminder you’re thinking about them in the middle of the day. My spouse recently left a note for me on my steering wheel. It had me smiling the entire drive to work and impacted my whole day.
Keep your notes in a shoebox, and when you’re facing a hard chapter in life, reread them and remember how much your spouse loves you.
5. Connect Physically
Whether your top love language is physical touch or not, connecting physically is vital to a healthy marriage.
Did you know that skin-to-skin contact has been shown to reduce stress, lower the risk of disease, and reduce symptoms in Alzheimer’s patients? It’s true! Physical touch is incredibly powerful.
We’re not just talking about in the bedroom either! Holding hands, putting your arm around your spouse, a sweet kiss. A healthy marriage that includes physical contact can be the most bonding and intimate experience in life.
6. Unplug From Devices
With the influence of social media, smartphones, and other technology, relationships are being tested, that’s for sure. It’s so easy to find yourself on your phone instead of engaging with your loved ones. We’re all guilty of it.
So how do you have a balanced and healthy relationship in a digital world? You may not want to hear this, but you need to unplug. Agree on a designated time to check your social media, messages, and emails. Otherwise, put your phone, laptop, tablet, etc. away.
Disconnect digitally to connect intimately. Check the status of your relationship, not your social media accounts. And spend more time touching your spouse instead of your phone. It might feel hard to break the habit at first, but your marriage will thank you.
7. Get the Kids To Bed on Time
Starting a family means more love, traditions, and memories. There’s also less of a lot of things too. That’s just the cold hard truth. Less sleep, less money, less free time… and less alone time with your spouse.
One way to get some of that time back? Establish a regular bedtime for your kids! A good bedtime routine is not only wonderful for your children, but it also benefits your marriage.
Make sure to set a time that gives you an hour or two together before crawling into bed. Snuggle up on the couch, watch a movie, share your day, and even get a little make out session in (those aren’t just for when you’re dating ya know!).
8. Pray Together
It may be last on this list, but it’s definitely not less of a priority. Praying together helps you show and receive trust from your sweetheart in so many ways.
Praying together strengthens the bond of marriage. It’s a chance to practice humility, to apologize to each other and God, but also to lift up your spouse and pray over the areas that truly need it.
Maybe you aren’t comfortable praying together as a couple, and that’s okay. Try holding hands and praying silently. In whatever way you decide to approach the spiritual part of your relationship, keep in mind that prayer encourages unity.
When you come before God the Lord as a couple, you’re coming together as a team, where you’re both on the same side. Through hard times, prayer gives you hope. Hope for your future and your dreams.
The bottom line? Don’t stop trying to connect with your spouse, even when you’re busy!
Remember to prioritize time together. Make the small moments count!
When you’d rather hit snooze, wake up early instead and have a cup of coffee with your spouse before they head out to work. Prioritize your marriage.
Stay committed to connecting. Relationships take work, but having a loving partner in life is always worth it.
Don’t forget to jump over to our Event Page and see what date nights are coming up so you can mark your calendar.
How do you stay connected to your spouse when life is busy? Comment below!